The rate at which I am experiencing changes is slow but I do sense the change. I have noticed myself craving healthier foods and drinks. I have followed through with these cravings and feel better because of it. I don’t crave the soda anymore and I am not addicted to caffeine like I was. My speech is getting better, I don’t intentionally say things I don’t like but when I do say something it really pops out at me now. I have been a little overwhelmed with the 4 books I got for Christmas so I decided today to take just one book and begin reading it from start to finish before starting another one. The one I will be reading is called Pleasing God by R.C. Sproul. It has to do with sanctification. I have been listening to Steven Furtick a lot again and in one of his sermons he talks about progress and how sometimes your year will just be about the inner work of God. The fruit is on the inside. I feel like that is me this year. I would say sometimes I think I should be more involved with people but I guess taking care of my family counts, right? They are my main focus after I spend time with God. This pretty much takes all my time besides writing here and there. I read in my book Letters From The Desert by Carlo Carretto that any action we do with love counts. Love is still a big focus for me and I have been struggling with obedience since Christmas break is over. It kinda goes up and down from day to day. My study with God Treks got off track during the holiday and still haven’t started back so my plan is to start back today. I did begin counting my 1000 gifts with Ann Voskamp and will be posting my January gifts at the end of the month. I decided to look at what to look for every morning and then approach it as a scavenger hunt through the day, that has made it fun and makes me more aware of what is happening. I want to mention I prayed a lot for my husband to sell a lot so we would have money for the last two weeks of January and my prayer wasn’t answered so I am really trusting Jesus for whatever happens. I know God hears me and I know I hear Him because I have had confirmations of this so that isn’t the problem. I am trusting God has another way and everything will work out. My prayer life has grown during these two months. I now pray every morning before I get up. I have found myself going back to saying a couple prayers I learned as a child being Catholic. It has been comforting for me and also makes me feel closer to God. I realize that some practices I used to do weren’t robotic after all. Maybe they were back then because I just did what I was taught but now when I say the prayers and really mean what they say and pay attention to the words they feel different now. After learning about sin being the act of forgetting myself and God, I have been making an effort to stay aware. It is difficult at times but I heard a line in a movie over the weekend that I liked. It’s from Song One with Anne Hathaway. The guy said,” Do you ever have a feeling that you don’t want to fade away but you don’t know how to keep it?” And he said the way he keeps it is by playing his guitar and singing. So, this line hit me cause I thought about the feeling I get when I feel Jesus or God close to me. I never know when it’s coming and when I have it I don’t want to lose it and how do I make it stay? So, I have been really listening to my music but what I don’t get is how special it was and can be but sometimes it seems mundane. I don’t know why. It’s easy to slip back into sleep, not being fully aware. I guess this is the fight. Writing connects me to God also which is why I do it. I also thank God all through the day for whatever is going on to continuously be praying as much as I can. Oh and my Bible scripture memorization is going pretty good. I have 9 so far and working on the tenth. They are from Ann Voskamp’s Jesus Project from the book of John. I am really enjoying it although I have to admit it has been harder to do now that our routine is back in place. I think that is all for now.
I am writing an update for the changes in me. I want to log what God is doing in my life, that is all. Since the last entry God showed me that He did in fact begin the sanctification process in me 5 years ago but I stopped it. I wrote about what He was doing in my journal. He was weeding out selfishness, addictions, and problems with my speech. Like I have said before I gave up on the process because I would fail and be hard on myself and quit. Now that I know this about myself, I can face the feeling of inadequacy head on and slay it down when it starts to creep up again. So far this hasn’t happened. The main thing I have been learning is God wants me to put His Word in my heart because when you have His Word memorized it dwells in your being, in your heart. As the Bible says, what is in your heart is what comes out of your mouth. Also, God wants me to be like Jesus. When I have God’s Word in my heart I have the tools to be able to be more like Jesus. The Bible says to bring every thought unto the obedience of Christ. This helps to become more like Him. So, I am memorizing scripture not to flaunt it, not out of duty, but to become more like Jesus and this is what pleases God. I remember scripture to dwell on good thoughts and out of those thoughts come good words and out of that comes good deeds and a good life, like God intended. This is how we live and do God’s Word. It has been surprising to me how situations come up and scripture comes to my mind as an answer or just as a guide line of which way to go. I had another significant dream, in the dream I said something that I believe came from God. The line was this: The hardest thing to learn about salvation is the grace.
I thought, how do you “learn” grace? I was led to see that Jesus is grace and we know Jesus is referred to as The Word in the book of John. Just like in my other dream in heaven when I said Jesus was the Word in the beginning, and The Word was with God. The actual scripture is the first one I have memorized. It’s John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. So, Jesus is grace and the Word. I felt God saying that what I have to learn is to be more like Jesus. How do I do that? First I study His character, which I am doing a study on that with God Treks. The other meaning I got is to let God’s grace work through me to be able to be like Jesus. I can’t do it myself, it has to be through the Holy Spirit. The final message I got is this: Jesus is the Word, learn grace (Jesus) ( Word), learn Jesus’ words. I was then led to the scripture, Mark 9:7, 7 Then a cloud formed, overshadowing them, and [a]a voice came out of the cloud, “This is My beloved Son. Listen to Him and obey Him!” God is showing me the first step to sanctification. Putting His Word in my mind , heart and mouth will produce goodness. Deuteronomy 32:47, They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.” Romans 16:24, The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (The Messiah) be with you all. Amen.
Mark 7:15 Jesus said, there is nothing outside a man [such as food] which by going into him can defile him [morally or spiritually]; but the things which come out of [the heart of] a man are what defile and dishonor him.
I initially started this blog and all the others in my past as a way to express what God has shown me and to help others find God and help them in their walk with Him. I didn’t know what would happen to me in this process. The blogs I started in the past all got deleted each for different reasons. After I started this one I had a dream about Jesus and was left with the knowledge of Him saying to me not to run away again. I had been contemplating once again to just forget writing a blog. It has been very tempting to end this blog after reading a lot of other blogs that seem to be better than mine. I keep getting the nudge to just forget it all but the Holy Spirit will not allow me to do so. I have taken some breaks from it to gather my thoughts and I have an answer. As far as my walk with Jesus, by Him saying to not run away, I know why. I am getting prepared for the sanctification process. I have had a craving that I can’t explain for these different types of chant music honoring God. I can’t get enough, the way I connect with God through this music is intoxicating to me. I have known something is changing in me and couldn’t figure out what it is. So, I have asked God to tell me what is happening to me. I have come into the knowledge through various things I have read that He wants to begin the sanctification process in me. Today God has made known to me that love is the first thing, which I have felt that since my encounter with the Yeha Noha song. The other thing is my speech. These are the two characteristics right now that God is going to be working on with me. I am only writing this to document this day and also to keep a record for myself of how and what God will be doing with me. This is really not what I thought would be happening with this blog and I will continue to write what God has revealed to me. I felt today that compared to what I read on here that I am a baby christian. That may be true, but I can’t let other people determine what God has called me to do. After all it’s between Him and I in the end anyway. I receive strength from Jesus to keep moving forward, it is scary at times, but I know in my heart I am headed in the right direction.