The Changes In Me Two Months Later

The rate at which I am experiencing changes is slow but I do sense the change. I have noticed myself craving healthier foods and drinks. I have followed through with these cravings and feel better because of it. I don’t crave the soda anymore and I am not addicted to caffeine like I was. My speech is getting better, I don’t intentionally say things I don’t like but when I do say something it really pops out at me now. I have been a little overwhelmed with the 4 books I got for Christmas so I decided today to take just one book and begin reading it from start to finish before starting another one. The one I will be reading is called Pleasing God by R.C. Sproul. It has to do with sanctification. I have been listening to Steven Furtick a lot again and in one of his sermons he talks about progress and how sometimes your year will just be about the inner work of God. The fruit is on the inside. I feel like that is me this year. I would say sometimes I think I should be more involved with people but I guess taking care of my family counts, right? They are my main focus after I spend time with God. This pretty much takes all my time besides writing here and there. I read in my book Letters From The Desert by Carlo Carretto that any action we do with love counts.  Love is still a big focus for me and I have been struggling with obedience since Christmas break is over. It kinda goes up and down from day to day. My study with God Treks got off track during the holiday and still haven’t started back so my plan is to start back today. I did begin counting my 1000 gifts with Ann Voskamp and will be posting my January gifts at the end of the month. I decided to look at what to look for every morning and then approach it as a scavenger hunt through the day, that has made it fun and makes me more aware of what is happening. I want to mention I prayed a lot for my husband to sell a lot so we would have money for the last two weeks of January and my prayer wasn’t answered so I am really trusting Jesus for whatever happens. I know God hears me and I know I hear Him because I have had confirmations of this so that isn’t the problem. I am trusting God has another way and everything will work out. My prayer life has grown during these two months. I now pray every morning before I get up. I have found myself going back to saying a couple prayers I learned as a child being Catholic. It has been comforting for me and also makes me feel closer to God. I realize that some practices I used to do weren’t robotic after all. Maybe they were back then because I just did what I was taught but now when I say the prayers and really mean what they say and pay attention to the words they feel different now. After learning about sin being the act of forgetting myself and God, I have been making an effort to stay aware. It is difficult at times but I heard a line in a movie over the weekend that I liked. It’s from Song One with Anne Hathaway. The guy said,” Do you ever have a feeling that you don’t want to fade away but you don’t know how to keep it?” And he said the way he keeps it is by playing his guitar and singing. So, this line hit me cause I thought about the feeling I get when I feel Jesus or God close to me. I never know when it’s coming and when I have it I don’t want to lose it and how do I make it stay? So, I have been really listening to my music but what I don’t get is how special it was and can be but sometimes it seems mundane. I don’t know why. It’s easy to slip back into sleep, not being fully aware. I guess this is the fight. Writing connects me to God also which is why I do it. I also thank God all through the day for whatever is going on to continuously be praying as much as I can. Oh and my Bible scripture memorization is going pretty good. I have 9 so far and working on the tenth. They are from Ann Voskamp’s Jesus Project from the book of John. I am really enjoying it although I have to admit it has been harder to do now that our routine is back in place. I think that is all for now.

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